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Crisis Actor Elvis, Waiting For Assignment

 

Perhaps you’re aware of the various “false flag” theories that mass shootings as in Sandy Hook and Parkland never happened. Of course you are, you’re on the internet enough to have found this little authorpage and blog.

These conspiracy theorists compare pictures from different mass shootings and disasters, looking for similarities in people. When they find someone who sorta looks like someone else, they consult the magic chemtrail crystal ball and, lo and behold, it PROVES IT’S THE SAME PERSON IN A THINLY VEILED DISGUISE.

Their false flag crisis actor theory depends upon the fact that, like snowflakes, no two humans look at all like each other. Ever.

Which brings us to Elvis performer and lookalike Donny Edwards, pictured above in full regalia.

BUT WE KNOW TWO PEOPLE CANNOT LOOK ALIKE.

So he must be Real Elvis, preserved in unaging immortality perhaps by turning the mind control drug exuded by venomous vampires called fluoride against itself. Ha! TAKE THAT, SECRET GLOBALIST ARMY TUNNELING UNDER THE OCEAN FROM CHINA AND EUROPE TO TAKE OVER THE UNITED STATES IN THE NAME OF THE REPTILE ALIEN CONTROLLED UNITED NATIONS!

For what sinister purpose is Real Elvis — because, remember, no two humans look alike — hanging around?

I’ll leave you to think about it. Maybe you should secure your house in a thick wrapping of tinfoil and duct tape while you consider.

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SciFi News Network 2241: Tuna Poaching Ringleaders Brought To Justice

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AP (UN Regional Headquarters 8, international waters, Central Pacific)

29 August 2241

 

UNBE (United Nations Bureau of Enforcement) officers arrested eight  individuals alleged to be the top coordinators of a tuna poaching, smuggling, and sale ring with operations spanning from the east coast of India to the western and eastern shores of the northern and equatorial Pacific Ocean.  In accordance with UN law, UNBE did not release the identities of the arrested or their professions or other personal information pending the notification or appointment of the arrested parties’ legal counsel and the formal declaration of charges, which much occur within thirty full calendar days.

 

Nearly all surviving species of tuna are classified as critically endangered and fishing or otherwise taking even a single tuna for any purpose is a felony under UN law as well as under most local subordinate codes of nation-states and corporate states. A UNBE official stated the numbers of tuna involved are “estimated in the thousands, perhaps even ten or twenty thousand.” Charges of criminal conspiracy and tax evasion are also expected to be levied against the accused.

 

Tuna poaching is an ongoing threat to the recovery of the animals’ populations, which have never recovered from the overfishing of the 20th and 21st centuries. Several species are believed extinct, and legal commercially available tuna is either farmed under strict oversight or laboratory cultivated.

 

Tuna poaching is a longstanding problem for law enforcement due to the profitability of black-market fish in general and tuna in particular. According to UNBE estimates and past convictions, an angler may receive as much as 1 Globo per gram of their catch; a single fish weighing 5 kilograms may match the median yearly income of semiskilled laborers in poorer nations or buy a two-seat personal automobile in richer ones.

 

At the table, this value is considerably enhanced. A single slice of sashimi, generally between 10 and 20 grams may cost a well-heeled black market diner 500 Globos.

SciFi News Network: The New 2165 Babies Are Here!

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SFNN FASHION & TRENDS

NORTH AMERICA

STAFF

Ever since the United Nations guaranteed the freedom of parents to tailor their authorized offspring in 2132, the unveiling of the new model year’s babies has been a rolling gala affair sweeping the world’s capitals every March the first. Hopeful parents the world around observe the ritual of choosing their favorites before the UN issues denials or –joy!– acceptances of parenthood on the fifteenth.

Between the first and the fifteenth, everyone dreams. And I mean everyone, not just parents. With projected lifespans due to medical advances outstripping the very passage of time (over the last decade, projected average age of death worldwide was pushed back eighteen years), the rare sight of a real, living child is a thrill for the most jaded among us.

For the 2165 model year, the top audience-voted choice for male babies is based on pop star Idris Van Styrx. Age progressions show the basic Van Styrx for 2065 will grow a bit taller and huskier than the star himself, with additional musculature especially in the thighs, shoulders, and chest further accentuating the topheavy look that was so popular in last year’s male babies. A full range of options are available and vary by manufacturer. Red-Gold Rice Basket of Beijing, top baby vendor for the East Asia and Pacifica regions, made a particular splash with a controversial option for prehensile thumbed feet pitched to the microgravity living market.

The most popular female model is a sharp departure from last year’s choice of popular political figure Isbel Fleischer of the South America region after her late-2064 embroilment in a scandal related to labor contract awards for the region’s second space elevator. This year, Fleischer’s namesake baby model did not make the charts at all, replaced by historical stage actor Akiko Nakamura of Pacifica. The actor is physically diminutive and the baby modeled after her preserves those basic dimensions, though a taller model with her proportions is expected to outsell the original.

The Intersex/Genderqueer model favored by viewers, unlike last year’s beefy, male-trait-weighted choice of military reenactor Chadforth Farthington of the Western Europe region, is markedly androgynous and sleek. Olympic swimmer Gloria Gary Beers of Mobile, Alabama, North America Region is the basis for this model baby, promising long arms, broad chest, and hips with both a surprising flare and muscular strength. Popular modifications, predictably with an athlete model, focus on physicality. A newly revealed, highly flexible cartilaginous spine developed by MicroGene in Beers’ home region seems particularly promising in the market.