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People Kibble: SciFi News 2033

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US in Ottawa Newsletter
January 22, 2033
Patrick Chowdhury Melendez
 
President Trump Jr. “Fights Hunger” With People Kibble
 
Newly inaugurated President Donald Trump Jr. announced a USA-wide anti-hunger program from the so-called “press vault” in Trump Tower in NYC (the de facto White House since 2021) at 5:15 this morning.
Press coverage was limited to fifteen reporters representing the “Gang of Seven” Trump regime-approved media organizations. A source within Trump Tower confirmed that those reporters were brought into the tower during the inauguration for sequestration and “extreme vetting.”
The source also stated the initial number of reporters admitted was sixteen, two per media org. The sixteenth reporter did not appear in footage of the press conference released by Vice President (and former President) Eric Trump. The whereabouts of that reporter are unknown. US in Ottawa staff and other expatriate press speculate that Reporter Sixteen may be Miles DeGuzmen of the popular morning Fox News “Trumping the World” segment, which has been guest-hosted by Sean Spicer since January 19th.
Trump Jr.’s “anti-hunger” program, “Making Americans Healthy,” follows two years of widespread simmering protest and riots in the wake of President Eric Trump’s 2031 federal-level outlawing of the last state-level food stamp, EBT, and WIC legacy programs. Federal welfare programs, including food and financial assistance, were ended in 2023.
Riots were especially intense in spring of 2032 following the revelation of the February malnutrition deaths of Mrs. Jackie Pillman of Little Rock, Arkansas and her kindergarten-age twins, Steven and Stephenie. The President announced that he was “working on a solution” in his Thanksgiving day address to the nation that year. He also vowed to “plug news leaks” in his remarks, thought to be a reference to the anonymous bloggers who produced the viral stories of the Pillman deaths. No arrests were ever announced, though some night disappearances of suspects were rumored in following months.
“Making Americans Healthy” relies on National Guard detachments (formally placed under federal control in 2021), which are directed to distribute one fifty pound bag of UNGR (Universal Nutrition Granular Recipe, a soy and peanut based, vitamin-enriched food dubbed “Purina Human Chow” in expatriate media) to any citizen who reports in person with two approved forms of federal identification to a distribution point on the 5th and 20th of each month.
“UNGR is a terrific food that provides everything adults and children need to be healthy and well-fed,” President Trump Jr. said in the released presser footage. “The taste is a bit boring, sure. I’ve tried it. But if people are hungry, they’ll come and get it, and they’ll be thankful for it. If they don’t like the taste, great. Maybe they’ll get off their asses and get jobs. There are so many jobs that the CEOs of factories and construction companies come to me every day begging me to find them workers.”
Independent economic analysts in the EU and India estimate actual US employment at 25-30%, or 60-65% if the chronically underemployed are included. US figures, released by law exclusively by press release from the Oval Office since 2024, place US unemployment at a radically unlikely 2.2%.

A Billionaire Is Mad That Poor Kids Get Free Sandwiches

…so I wrote a little tweetstorm about that.

Sorry about the repeated tweet at the end. Twitter threads are formed by replying to yourself, and now twitter displays the tweet each one is replying to for context… except to make a readable thread like this it means you now have to insert ONLY EVERY OTHER TWEET if you want each tweet to appear only once.

And of course I had to have an odd singleton tweet at the end because, apparently, I like to stir up trouble.

Which, really, is what a writer’s job is.

I could have gone into extra detail between tweets explaining myself further, but I think the tweets speak for themselves and I’d just be beating each point to death.

Plus, if anyone has questions or additions or comments there’s always the… um… comments here. 🙂

Thirteen Word Story: They Walk Among Us

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Wearing the skins of the homeless, scouts for the alien invasion spied, invisible.

Drug Test Welfare Recipients? WHY DO WE NOT DRUG TEST POLITICIANS?

Drugs

So, 12 states drug test welfare applicants for some or all programs; 10 more are contemplating enacting similar drug testing regimes. Tennessee is the latest ‘success story’ in this drive to ensure that welfare recipients aren’t getting help to eat or live while high: over a six-month period, they administered 16,000 drug tests of which 37 were positive.

Numbers like that fuel criticisms that these drug test regimes for welfare do little more than cost states more money than they save — although, I’d note, that the companies selling drug test kits and administering drug tests make a tidy profit. In fact, in Florida, Governor Rick Scott co-founded the company that administered the tests, had a financial interest in it, and ‘fixed’ his conflict of interest by MOVING HIS SHARES INTO A TRUST OWNED BY HIS WIFE. So maybe there *is* a financial benefit to this testing — if your friendly neighborhood governor is funneling the testing profits your way at the expense of the state.

That aside — and it’s not inconsiderable — there’s another issue.

Enough people are worried enough that some poor person might be using drugs on the public dime that they want drug testing to stop it from happening, even if it costs more than it saves. If that wasn’t the case, this idea wouldn’t be spreading — but it is spreading. A lot of people want this.

84% of companies require drug testing of applicants and/or employees. This is pitched as a public safety concern; this is often valid. Sure, I don’t want someone high operating a bulldozer. I don’t want someone drunk doing it either, but we don’t breathalyze employees when they show up to work, do we? In fact, at work, we expect employees to have supervisors. Companies expect that too, and they pay supervisors to supervise because they want employees working, and working safely — not goofing off. I’d expect a supervisor to be paying enough attention to tell if his or her subordinate working the bulldozer is drunk or high (and why are these two separate concepts? Alcohol is a drug. Someone who is drunk is high on the drug ethyl alcohol. But that’s a whole different post).

But let’s say it’s about public safety. Safety is also the reason members of the military are drug tested. Again, valid. Nobody wants a person on drugs handling the cruise missiles. Again, however, supervisors are a more immediate and effective method of identifying a chemically impaired person before they get their hands on a warhead.

Now, what is more important to our safety than our laws and government? Why exactly do we not drug test politicians who apply for a political position by running for office, and why do we not regularly and randomly drug test each and every politician, local, state, and federal?

These are the people who write our laws. They define how our entire society works. They shape commerce from the local to the international level. They define our foreign policy. They decide how our police operate, what rights we have, how those rights are defined, and what abrogates our rights. They decide who gets drug tested for safety…

…oh. There’s our answer. Politicians are not drug tested because they don’t want to be drug tested.

Now, what do we tell a job applicant to the local fast food joint who refuses to be drug tested? We assume he’s a drug addict and tell him he’s not getting a job.

Why don’t WE do that with our politicians?

If we’re going to test folks for drugs, let’s test the ones whose conduct affects every citizen in the country, and a number of noncitizens and foreign nationals as well. That sounds like a grassroots effort that would be worth our while.